As much as we all love to ridicule the "five love languages" ideas, I've found that getting a basic idea of them is so helpful. What's important to my husband (aka one of his love languages) is doing the things that need done. Caring for us is the way he shows love. I noticed that whenever he was irritated at me, he'd do something like wash my car (probably to remind himself that he actually does love me, lol). I put two and two together and it finally made sense that he equated actions with love. We could both tell each other often how much we love each other—and we do, daily, but he feels it deeper when I cook dinner instead of waiting for him to think of something, or when I fold the laundry he's started, or when I think to do something he's mentioned in passing. I feel it deeper when he tells me he appreciates me. Just because something works for me doesn't mean it works for him, and vice versa; the trick is to recognize that the other person's needs are even more important than our own. After 36 years together, I'm pretty sure that's the key.