Thank you so much, John. I agree with you completely: my mother-in-law has no idea how worn down she is, and I don’t know how she thinks that waiting to make arrangements is going to help anything. The place they’re looking at that’s best for him locally is a soldiers & sailors home, and they have an eight-person waiting list as it is. Even if we made the arrangements today, I have no idea how long it would take for them to have an opening.

I occasionally ask my MIL if she can get any daytime help just so she can get a break more often, even if she doesn’t go anywhere. I think she just doesn’t understand what a lightening of the load it would be. My brother-in-law lives with them and helps when he’s not at work, and my husband and two of his sisters who live in town also help out, but it’s really hard to push for anything right now. I think my MIL and BIL are . . . what? Protective? Embarrassed? Closing the ranks? It’s hard to describe, but I get the feeling they both are of the mindset that they should bear this on their own as much as possible without “bothering” anyone else. Thank goodness at least that all five siblings and spouses get along well, or it could be harder.

I’ve heard of the “off the cliff” moments, when all of a sudden the person doesn’t remember how to swallow their food but keeps adding more and chewing, or can’t remember how to bend their knees to get in the car. I don’t want us to wait until it’s too late, but unfortunately the guilt is stronger with my MIL than her decision-making skills.

Thank you for sharing your story. I’m sorry for what you’ve gone through with your stepmother and your father, but thank you for using your experience to encourage me.