This makes me sad and angry (not at you, but at the church). I’m a born-again Christian and every couple I know has an extremely healthy view of sex and marriage (and they all come from a variety of Christian backgrounds). I can’t count how many stories I read here about churches that teach how “bad” sex is — until you’re married, of course, and then you’re supposed to suddenly go from zero to sixty and embrace it. I didn’t grow up in the church and am astounded at the number of people who have been taught poorly. God CREATED sex! He wants us to enjoy it. To assume otherwise is crap. I always think of the bride and groom in Song of Solomon. Those two really enjoyed every inch of each other.

I’m so sorry you’ve had such guilt and shame attached to something that’s such a terrific bond between a husband and wife. I hope there’s healing down the road for both of you.